


Watching A Very Potter Musical

by Mischief_Managed16



Category: A Very Potter Musical Series - Team StarKid, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AVPM References, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First Kiss, Hinny, Slow Burn, Starkid - Freeform, dramione - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:39:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7303582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischief_Managed16/pseuds/Mischief_Managed16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The muggles know and love the story that JK Rowling has spun. So what happens when the characters are introduced to their muggle counterparts?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Mysterious Instructions

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Hope that you enjoy this latest story. This will be a chaptered fic across the three Starkid Potter musicals. Happy reading xx  
> Disclaimer: I own none of the Potterverse. Every character in this belongs to either JK Rowling (the queen of us) or to the Starkid team. I can dream it, but eventually the evil alarm clock decides it's time to be an ass again.

 

Chapter 1: The mysterious instructions

Albus Dumbledore was disrupted by a sharp knock at his door, which surprised him as it was well past midnight and he presumed nobody would disturb him so late. Never the less, there was somebody there.

“Enter,” the Headmaster called, waiting for the door to swing open, but it didn’t. When another knock rang out he decided to go and see who it was.

Opening his door, he saw that nobody was there. Instead, at his feet lay an object wrapped in a thick blanket. Pulling away the blanket, Dumbledore saw a note lying within, which surprised him as he believed that something fragile would lay within the wrappings.

Reaching down, he grabbed hold of the note, and instantly felt the feeling of travelling without actually moving.

He had realised that the letter must have been a Portkey to have transported him, but had no idea who had sent it to him or where he was. Before he had time to think further however, the silence was broken by several thuds on the ground.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Hermione Granger had been sat on her bed in the Head Girl dormitory when she heard a knock on the door. Knowing that only the Head Boy could access the common room, let alone her room, she went to the door.

“Malfoy, what do you-” she stopped when she saw that nobody was standing there. All she saw was a mysterious wrapped bundle, the contents of which appeared to be a letter.

She picked up the letter, only to find herself only moments later in a room she had never seen before.

Looking up, she saw Dumbledore before her, and the forms of her various friends and enemies alike appearing around her. Everyone had arrived within a few moments of each other, and they soon had a look at who exactly they were with.

Those that had been transported to the room were; Dumbledore, Hermione, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Malfoy, Lavender and Snape. They looked around, the expression of the observer shifting as their eyes shifted between their schoolmates and Professors.

“Okay, where the bloody hell am I and who woke me up for this?” Ron asked, breaking the silence. Suddenly, a voice filtered in from the front of the room, directing their attention that way.

“Hello people of the Potterverse!” The voice said. This confused the witches and wizards. What on earth was a Potterverse?

“Oh right, sorry, I need to watch what I say. Lemme try again. Hello people of Hogwarts! So I think I’m safe to assume that you would like to know where you are, who I am and why I’ve brought you here, yes?

Well firstly, my name, or my alias at least, is Bibz. I will disclose no more than that as I do fear the wrath of the Slytherins in the room.

As to where you are, you are still on Hogwarts grounds, in a room where no time passes. The doors have been enchanted to stay unopenable until I have finished giving you my message. After that you will have one minute to decide whether you wish to stay or leave before the doors are once again inaccessible.

Now, on to why I brought you here. The purpose is to show you three videos that I discovered a long time ago. When I worked out a way to show you, I just had to. The wall that you are all currently gawking at will become the screen, showing you the plays.

The plays are a parody based on some events that have happened to you, and some that are yet to play out. As foreknowledge of some of these events would be dangerous, your memories of this performance will be hidden until the last event has played out, approximately 3 years from now.

For those of you who don’t know, a parody is a funny version of a serious set of events, so I would like to advise that you keep that in mind when watching this. Whilst it is a funny twist on things, it is also the writer’s views on how some of the characters secretly feel. That’s all I’ll say for now.

If you want to speak at any time, feel free. The system is set to pause whenever it registers one of your voices, so say anything you feel necessary.

The choice is now up to you. You have one minute to decide whether or not you wish to see this performance. That minute starts now.”

When Bibz finished speaking, nobody else said anything for a moment, then Ginny spoke up.

“I’d like to see it,” she said in a quiet voice. She felt intrigued by what the girl had said, and thought it sounded like a lot of fun.

“Me too” said the Golden Trio almost at the same time, earning them incredulous looks from the Malfoy heir. 

“Really? You want to sit in a room, in a situation orchestrated by some girl you’ve never met and watch some muggles make fun of your life?” Draco said with a sneer. “Well, I for one have no desire to sit here and bend to the whims of some child. I’m leaving. I’m surprised at you all. Rather Hufflepuff to put your faith in a total stranger is it not?”

The rest of the students had no response, so with that Draco started walking towards the door. However, no sooner had he turned around than the doors vanished.

“Okay, that’s your minute. I’m honestly rather surprised that all of you stayed, especially you Snape. Didn’t hear a single objection. Curiosity a bit much?”

Malfoy growled when he heard the girl’s voice start up again. He had forgotten about the time limit, so now he had to stay and watch this blasted performance.

“Now, any snacks or drinks you want, just ask for them, they’ll appear on the table in front of you. So, without further ado, please take a seat, and let ‘A Very Potter Musical’ begin!”


	2. Act 1 scene 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hogwarts residents settle down to watch the play, how will they react to the first scene?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys!
> 
> I hope you like this story, I fell like its gonna be a lot of fun.
> 
> Lemme know what you think in the comments
> 
> Love,
> 
> Bibz xx
> 
> PS- I do not own any of the material from JK Rowling or Starkid. If you recognise it, then it ain't mine.

Chapter 2: Act 1, scene 1

  
A logo reading ‘Starkid’ appeared on the screen with a lion jumping over it, followed by a notice about the fact that this was a fan-made performance, not connected with Rowling or WB studios.

  
“Who are J.K Rowling and the Warner Bros?” Ron asked curiously?

“J.K is the writer of the Harry Potter books, she wrote down all of the events from your seven years at Hogwarts, and the Warner Bros studios produced the movies. That’s how the muggle world found out about you guys, although they believe that you’re a work of fiction,” Bibz said quickly, before becoming silent once more.

Draco was mad. “So, not only has the bloody parody got your name in it but you have your own book series?”

“Also, what’s a movie?” Lavender inquired.

“A movie is what we’re about to be shown. Now can we be quiet please. We haven’t even got the play started yet.” Hermione answered. Everyone fell silent and the show started up again.

The lights came up on a boy with curly hair and glasses, sitting on top of a suitcase. He pushed his fringe back over-dramatically, revealing the lightning scar on his forehead.  
“Is that supposed to be me?” Harry exclaimed.

_**HP: Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt.** _

Harry’s friends, and Dumbledore, turned to Harry in surprise. Even Malfoy looked mildly shocked.

“Under the stairs?” Hermione asked in shock.

Harry waved her off. “We’ll talk about it later ‘Mione.”

“I should think so,” Hermione said under her breath.

_**Can’t believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lightning scar to know they’ll never, ever give me what I want.** _

“Spoilt much Potter?” Malfoy said with a familiar sneer.

“Shut it Malfoy! He means love you nitwit.” Hermione said in her friend’s defense.

_**I know I don’t deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursley's here on Privet Drive. Can’t take these stupid muggles, but despite all of my struggles, I’m still alive!** _

“Ever the optimist, aren’t we Mister Potter?” Snape droned, making everyone jump. He had been so quiet that most had forgotten he was even there.

_**I’m sick of summer and this waiting around, now its September so I’m skipping this town. It ain’t no mystery, there’s nothing here for me noooow. I gotta get back to Hogwarts! I gotta get back to school. I gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everyone thinks I’m cool.** _

Everyone, or all the Gryffindors at least, laughed at this, and Dumbledore smiled with the usual twinkle ever present in his eye.

“I am glad to know that you think so highly of the school Mr Potter.” He said cheerily, earning him a smile from Harry in return.

_**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts. To goblins and ghosts, and to magical feasts. It’s all that I love and it’s all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think I’m going back.** _

“We get it dude, you love the school!” Ron said with a chuckle, earning him a friendly punch in the arm.

_**I’ll see my friends, gonna laugh ‘til we cry. Take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone’s gonna die** _

“Way to jinx it Harry,” Lavender said to the boy across from her.

_**And it’s gonna be totally awesome. I’ll cast some spells with a flick of my wand, defeat the Dark Arts, year bring it on! And do it all with my best friend Ron ‘coz together we’re totally awesome!** _

“That totally awesome thing is gonna get old fast," Ginny grimaced.

_**RW: Yeah coz together we’re totally awesome!** _ **Did somebody say Ron Weasley?**

“Is that me?!” Ron yelled in shock. The man who had just arrived on stage was wearing a bright orange wig, and had everyone except for Ron in hysterics, that included Malfoy. Even Snape had a slight grin on his face, though he tried his hardest to hide it.

Ron suddenly had a thought. “You think I look funny? How do you think you’ll all look?”

This sobered everyone up rather quickly.

**RW: What’s up Buddy?**

**HP: Hey man!**

***hug***

Hermione smiled at this. Hugging was a thing that the boys did so rarely.

**RW: Sorry it took me so long to get here, I had to get… some… floo powder, but we gotta get going, come on get your trunk and let’s go.**

**HP: Where are we going?**

**RW: To Diagon Alley of course!**

“You said that so weirdly!” Lavender said, yet smiling affectionately at her boyfriend. Hermione was happy for them, she had gotten over her jealously a long time ago and now wished the best for her friend.

**HP: Cool!**

**RW: Come on!**

**RW & HP: Floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power.**

“Was that meant to be you travelling by Floo?” Malfoy asked in surprise. The rest of the room had to agree with him there, it was a bit ridiculous.

_**RW: It’s been so long, but we’re going back** _

_**HP: Don’t go for work, don’t go there for class** _

Ron and Harry glanced over at Snape, who had a glare fixed on them.  
“Hey, it’s not actually us!” Harry said indignantly, resulting in Snape returning his gaze to the screen.

_**RW: As long as we’re together** _

_**HP: Gonna kick some ass** _

_**Both: And it’s gonna be totally awesome! This year we’ll take everybody by storm. Stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm.** _

Again, the two Gryffindors were caught by a death stare, this time from the witch sat beside them.  
Just then, a girl with a mass of frizzy hair pushed through the middle of them.

_**HG: Let’s not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs.** _

“Is that meant to be me?!” Hermione shrieked, startling those closest to her.

“Think the hair should be bigger,” Draco said, more to his own amusement than anyone else’s.

**RW: Oh god Hermione why do you have to be such a buzzkill?**

**HG: Because guys, school’s not all about fun and games! We have to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards.**

Ron looked slightly impressed. “At least your character seems accurate,” he said, earning him a thump from his friend. Lavender looked vaguely indignant at this treatment of her boyfriend, but said nothing.

_**I may be frumpy** _

“I’m not frumpy!” Hermione exclaimed in dismay, at the same time as Ginny yelled “She’s not frumpy!”

“Honestly, who do these muggles think they are?” Nobody said anything, though the laughter coming from Draco was obvious.

_**But I’m super smart. Check out my grades, they’re A’s for a start.** _

Draco snorted, “Only A’s Granger? I expected more from the ‘brightest witch of our age’”

“Oh put a sock in it Malfoy! I’ll have you know that an A is the highest grade in muggle schools,” Hermione stated with a small sense of satisfaction.

_**What I lack in looks, I make up in heart and well guys yeah that’s totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot.** _

“No change there then.”

This remark came from Ron, earning him another well aimed punch to the arm, right in the same place. Much more and that was gonna really start stinging.

_**RW: That would be cool if you were actually hot** _

“NOT ME!” the redhead yelled, swapping places with Lavender before Hermione could bash him again.

_**HP: Hey Ron, come on. We’re the only friends that she’s got** _

_**RW: And that’s cool** _

_**HG: And that’s totally awesome** _

_**Trio: Yeah it’s so cool, yeah it’s totally awesome!** _

“This is quickly becoming a tired phrase,” Snape drawled, once again making everybody jump. The man was very skilled at disappearing into the shadows, causing everyone to forget he was there.

_**We’re sick of summer and this waiting around. It’s like we’re sitting in the lost and found.** _

“What’s the lost and found?” Ginny asked.

“The lost and found is a kind of collection point,” Hermione answered. “If you lose something, you can look for it in the lost and found. Likewise if you find something, you can take it there for safekeeping until the owner claims it.”

This satisfied everyone, even Malfoy looked as if he was paying attention.

_**Don’t take no sorcery, for anyone to see how.** _  
_**We gotta get back to Hogwarts. We gotta get back to school. We gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magi-coooooool.** _

This brought raucous laughter

_**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It’s all that I love and it’s all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think we’re going back.** _

“So, next scene?” Bibz asked.

Everyone looked ready to agree, but Hermione spoke up.

“Guys, don’t you think we should get some rest? We were brought here in the middle of the night.”

This was met with a general murmur of agreement.

“Umm, Bibz?” Hermione spoke again. “What exactly are sleeping arrangements?”

“Oh right, sorry. One sec….” The sound of keyboard keys clicking could be heard, and a door behind them opened into a corridor. “Now, if you go down there, you will see your names on your individual rooms. Don’t worry about the locked rooms, they will be explained in due time. Sleep tight guys!”


	3. Act 1 Scene 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hogwarts residents wake to watch the next scene in this perfectly mad Starkid performance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya guys! Sorry I'm a bit late updating, I've been swamped recently! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this new installment of WAVPM!  
> I now do in fact own the Harry Potter franchise, I bought the rights earlier......wait, no that's not right... I bought a bagel earlier, easy to confuse I guess.  
> I kid, all rights and characters belong to JK Rowling or the Starkid group, I merely manipulate their lives for my own amusement.

Chapter 3: Act 1 scene 2

Malfoy was the first to wake in the morning. Everyone else was sleeping in, but Draco had woken from nightmares so decided to get up and try and find a way out of this room.

He had gone round the room twice when he heard it.

Humming.

“Lemme guess, you don’t sleep either?” Malfoy said to the girl holding them here. He sneered at the front wall, where the voice was strongest.

“Oh, ‘course I sleep, I just get up early. Never been one for sleeping in” Bibz said, sounding far too cheerful for so early an hour. “I know why you don’t sleep too, but don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell anyone”

Malfoy snarled. “What would you know you stupid muggle?”

Bibz’s laughter rang out through the room. “Muggle? You are aware that the doors are enchanted shut right? Also, how would I have made the Portkey’s without magic? Honestly Draco, stop making assumptions about people, some may actually surprise you,” the girl said, a suggestive tone in her voice, which confused Draco.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, you’ll see in due time,” she replied evasively, and would say nothing more.

He was about to try and get her to answer again when Hermione walked out of the room she was sharing with Ginny. He didn’t notice until then that Bibz had never told him how she knew about his nightmares, but it was too late now.

Hermione nodded at him. “Malfoy,” she said tersely. He nodded back, but didn’t greet her back.

Instead, he said, “What are you doing up so early?”

“I was hungry, and I don’t sleep in much anyway, I get too restless.

“That’s what I was just saying!” Bibz said, but received no further reply. It seemed that their talking had woken the rest of the residents, though it took Harry a good five minutes to wake his lazy roommate. By the time Ron surfaced, everyone was sat down eating breakfast.

Meals seemed to be relatively simple, as Bibz had said.. Anything they asked for appeared on the table before them, which was a lot of fun.

When they’d finished eating, Lavender spoke up.

“How about we watch the next scene? I wanna see who they’re gonna introduce next!” she said eagerly. Everyone agreed with this, and went to take their seats in the main room.

As soon as everyone was comfortably seated, and Ron had summoned more snacks than anyone thought possible, the scene began.

**GW: Ron! You were supposed to take me to Madam Maulkins’ and use those Sickles mom gave you for my robe fitting!**

Ginny blanched. “What the hell!?” she screeched, nearly deafening Ron and Hermione who were sat closest to her.

**HP: Uh, who’s this?**

**RW: This is stupid little dumb sister Ginny,**

“Um, excuse me!” Ginny demanded, thumping her brother on the arm. “Also, why the hell am I wearing ballet pumps that are bright yellow? They look awful!”

Nobody had an answer for her.

**She’s a freshman.**

“What’s a freshman?” Harry asked.

“A freshman is what a first year is called in American muggle schools.” Bibz supplied, when it was clear that Hermione didn’t have an answer. She wanted to save the young witch the embarrassing taunts that often followed her not having the answer.

**Ginny this is Harry, Potter. Harry Potter, its Harry Potter.**

**GW: Oh! You’re Harry Potter! You’re the boy who lived!**

This caused both Harry and Ginny to blush profusely, whilst Ginny protested adamantly.

“I was not like that when I met him!” she said impatient at the laughter from her brother.

“No,” he agreed, “you just wouldn’t speak to him at all!” Ron said, earning him another well-deserved punch from the youngest Weasley.

**HP: Yeah, and you’re Ginny.**

**GW: It’s Ginevra**

Ginny hid her head in her hands. Did they have to include that? Harry turned to her.

“Your real name is Ginevra?” he asked, although it didn’t sound mocking.

“Yeah,” she answered in a quiet voice.

He smiled at her. “It’s beautiful,” he told her, before directing his gaze back to the screen

**HP: Cool, Ginny’s fine**

**RW: Stupid sister *claps above head***

Everyone looked around in confusion.

“What was that meant to be Weasley?” Malfoy enquired, breaking the silence.

“I don’t know,” Ron replied in confusion. “Bibz, a little input?”

“I’ve always assumed it was you slapping her, it was the best theory I could come up with," Bibz said, effectively silencing the room.

**Don’t crowd the famous friend!**

**HG: Hey do you guys hear music or something?**

**HP: Music, what are you talking about?**

“Someone’s coming,” Ron said.

**RW: Yeah, someone’s coming**

Ron blinked.

“No need to repeat yourself mate,” Harry said, whilst Lavender laughed.

**HP: Someone’s coming**

**_CC, LB & PP: Cho Chang, Domo Oregato. Cho Chang, Gung hey fat Choy Chang, happy, happy new year, Cho Chang._ **

“They’ve cast Cho really well considering some of their other choices,” Hermione admitted.

“Speaking of characters, who haven’t we met yet in this room?” Ginny asked, looking around.

“Ummmm, we still need to see Lavender, Malfoy, Dumbledore and Snape,” Harry answered, counting on his fingers. “They’ve already introduced us,” he said, indicating himself, Hermione, Ron and Ginny.

**GW: Konichiwa Cho Chang! It is good to meet you! I am Ginny Weasley!**

The real Ginny could hardly watch.

**LB: Bitch, I ain’t Cho Chang**

This confused everyone in the room. If she wasn’t Cho, who was?

**RW: That’s Lavender Brown!**

Lavender looked incredibly confused. That wasn’t really her, surely?

***claps above head* racist sister!**

This brought a laugh from the room, though Malfoy and Snape stayed resolutely silent.

**CC: Hey hey! That’s alright! I’m Cho Chang y’all**

This was even more insane. They had made Cho _southern?_

“It’s like they just swapped your appearance and Cho’s to confuse the audience. It got a good reaction in fairness.”

**HP: Oh, she’s perfect!**

Harry didn’t look at Ginny, he couldn’t. However, Lavender didn’t notice the now tense atmosphere in the room.

“You like Cho?” she asked the boy in question.

“ _Liked!_ I liked Cho, past tense,” Harry rambled.

**RW: Yeah, too bad she’s dating Cedric Diggory though!**

The mention of Cedric made the residents of the room, Malfoy included, bow their heads in respect. They were still trying to carry on following Cedric's death during the Triwizard Tournament. However, Bibz spoke up.

"Guys, I'm afraid they're going to mention Cedric quite a few times in this performance. You will enjoy it more if you try and treat this as a nice tribute to him." This was met with vague murmurs and nods of agreement.

**HP: What, who the hell is Cedric Diggory? Who even is that guy?**

**_CD: Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang. From Bangkok to Ding Dang. I’ll sing my love aloud for Cho Chaaaaaaang._ **

**HP: ugh, I hate that guy!**

“No I didn’t,” Harry said sadly. Not many knew just how much Cedric had helped Harry during the tournament, not to mention being a very fair player in their Quidditch matches, once even calling for a rematch when he won due to Harry falling off his broom. Harry truly missed the young Hufflepuff.

**RW: So are we gonna get those robes or not?**

**GW: Alright, alright I’m going!**

**RW: God sister!**

“Why is it suddenly my fault?” she demanded of her brother.

“It’s still not actually me,” Ron exclaimed, his cries falling once again on deaf ears.

***cue Neville***

“Who is that?” Lavender asked. Nobody knew, and Bibz wouldn’t say a thing.

**GG: Present your arm nerd. Indian burn hex!**

**RW: Oh, Crabbe and Goyle**

“Oh should have known these two sods would be in it!” Malfoy said in despair.

“Hey, maybe this means we’ll see Malfoy soon,” Ron whispered to Harry with a laugh.

**GW: Are you okay?**

**HP: Hey why don’t you leave Neville Longbottom alone alright?**

“That’s meant to be Neville?” Hermione said in confusion.

**GG: Well, well, well. If it isn’t Harry Potter. You think all because you’re famous, you can boss everyone around!**

 This caused Malfoy to go into hysterics, and even Snape had the beginnings of a smile on his face.

Through tears, Malfoy said “Oh that is so true! They have your character to a T!”

The Gryffindors were not so amused.

**HP: No I just don’t think it’s cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville.**

**GG: Well you know what I think? Glasses are for nerds. BREAK! We hate nerds!**

**VC: And girls!**

“But Crabbe is being played by a girl isn’t he?” Ron asked in confusion.

Hermione looked despairingly at him. “I think that’s the point.”

**RW: Oh well you asked for it! You don’t mess with Harry Potter he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby.**

Everyone laughed at the sight of Ron cowering behind Harry, whilst the boy blushed.

“I wouldn’t be scared of Crabbe and Goyle!” Ron said, puffing up his head with a false sense of bravado, making everyone laugh again.

**HG: Alright, everyone just calm down. Occulus Repairo!**

“You really do need to remember that spell,” Hermione said to her raven-haired friend, who nodded in response.

**HP: Whoa, cool!**

**HG: Now let’s leave these big baby childish jerks alone!**

“Ooh, cutting remarks Granger!”

“Shut it Malfoy.”

**DM: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?**

“IS THAT A GIRL!?” Draco shrieked. “WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE ME PLAYED BY A GIRL!?”

Nobody could answer him, they could barely hear him as the room erupted in hysterics. This lasted several minutes before the baritone voice of Professor Snape said, “Maybe we could all settle down so we have a chance of finishing this performance?”

This had everyone silenced, and the video started up again.

**HP: Ugh, what do you want Draco?**

**DM: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of total doves and go pay for my robes will you? So Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts are you? Maybe this year you’ll wise up and hang out with a higher calibre of wizard.**

Harry snorted. “Yeah right.”

**HP: Hey listen Malfoy. Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.**

Ginny shoved her brother in return for him shoving her on the screen, leaving him muttering to himself.

Meanwhile Harry, Ron and Hermione smiled at one another, knowing that fake-Harry’s words were true.

**DM: Have it your way. Wait, don’t tell me! Red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion? You must be a Weasley!**

“They got that word perfect,” Ron said. “That was what you said to me in first year right Malfoy?”

Draco didn’t respond, still struggling to cope with his character being played by a girl.

**RW: Oh my God lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, but she’s my pain in the ass.**

Ginny grinned sarcastically at her brother. “Thanks Ron, love you too (!)”

**DM: Oh isn’t this cute? It’s like a little loser family.**

“Well at least she’s smart,” Draco muttered to himself.

**Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I’ll be transferred to Pigfarts!**

“TRANSFERRED TO WHERE!?” Draco yelled. Wasn’t it bad enough that he was being played by a muggle, not to mention a girl, what the bloody hell was Pigfarts?

Meanwhile, everyone in the room was in hysterics, aside from Snape, but even he seemed to be withholding a smile. Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled more than usual as he chuckled away. It took several minutes before anyone could catch their breath.

Ron had collapsed on the floor whilst Hermione and Ginny were holding each other up, and Harry and Lavenders faces were scarlet. Meanwhile Malfoy was a similar shade, though through indignation rather than laughter.

When everyone finally calmed down, they looked back to the screen to hear Malfoy’s solo part.

**_This year you’ll bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near._ **

‘You wish Malfoy’ Harry thought.

**_I’ll have the greatest wizard career, and it’s gonna be totally awesome._ **

“Oh great, now I’m saying it!” a still-red Malfoy exclaimed in frustration.

**_Look out world, for the dawn of the day, when everyone will do whatever I say._ **

Ron faked a cough, “Never gonna happen.”

**_And Potter won’t be in my way, and I’ll be the one that is totally awesome._ **

**_GG: Yeah you’ll be the one that is totally awesome._ **

This shocked them into silence, why was that guy’s voice so deep? And how? He sounded like a Troll!

**CC: Come on, we’re gonna miss the train!**

**_All: Who knows how fast this year’s gonna go. Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow._ **

**_HP: Maybe at last I’ll talk to Cho!_ **

**_RW: Oh no that’d be way too awesome!_ **

**_All: We’re back to learn everything that we can. It’s great to come back to where we began. And here we are, and alakazam!_ **

“That wasn’t a real spell,” Snape said in confusion.

“No, it’s a muggle thing. Kids pretending to be magic make up magic words like alakazam and abracadabra,” Hermione explained. She couldn’t help but notice how the entire room flinched at the sound of a spell so like the killing curse.

**_Here we go this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know. The summer’s over and we’re itching to go._ **

**_NL: I think we’re ready for, Albus Dumbledore_ **

Everyone got excited by that, leaning slightly forward to see who would be Dumbledore, and if they were a good choice.

**_All: ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh._ **

A middle aged man with a cheap, fake white beard walked onto the stage, making the room and the audience burst into laughter. This man looked nothing like their Headmaster.

**_Dumbledore: Welcccccooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome_ **

The whole room was unanimously impressed by this long note.

**_All of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all of you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we’ve got a hidden swimming pool._ **

“Wait, really?” Ron asked, and Harry perked up.

“Of course not,” Dumbledore replied, but the boys knew they were going to go searching anyway.

 **_Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts. Welcome hotties, nerds and tools. Now that I’ve got you here at Hogwarts,_ ** **I’d like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore. Of course you can also call me Albus if you want a detention. I’m just kidding, I’ll expel you if you call me Albus.**

“Is that one true?” Lavender asked, and Dumbledore simply replied with a “Perhaps.” Ron decided to mention this to Fred and George, let them test that one out for him.

**All: Back to witches and wizards and magical feasts. To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It’s all that I love and it’s all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts. Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends.**

**To Gryffindor!**

The Gryffindors in the room cheered.

**Hufflepuff!**

**Ravenclaw!**

**Slytherin!**

Malfoy quietly cheered for his house, taking pride in the fact they were clearly the loudest house.

**Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts, Hogwarts**

**AD: I’m sorry what’s its name?**

**All: Hogwarts, Hogwarts**

**AD: I didn’t hear you kids!**

**All: Hogwarts, Hogwarts**

**HP: Man, I’m glad I’m back**

The scene came to an end, leaving the room’s occupants looking at a blank wall.

“Well, onto the next scene then guys?” Bibz asked them.

Dumbledore answered, “Yes that would be most welcome miss…”

“Wood, my surname is Wood.”

“Very well, Miss Wood, please proceed.”


	4. Chapter 4 - Act 1 Scene 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys!
> 
> Guess what................WE GONNA MEET SNAPE!!
> 
> Hope you enjoy,
> 
> love ya xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya,
> 
> I am SO sorry it's been so long since my last update, I really had trouble putting my thoughts onto the page with this one. Hope you enjoy what I've got, and constructive criticism is welcome.
> 
> This is un-betaed, so if you notice any mistakes please do let me know.
> 
> Thank you for being so patient with me!
> 
> PS- I do not own any reconisable material, it all comes from Rowling or Starkid

Chapter 4: Act 1 scene 3

 

The next scene began where they last had left off, with the Hogwarts students lowering their wands after the end of the song.

 

**AD: Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! And a very special welcome to my favourite student; Mr. Harry Potter.**

“Huh, got that part right on the mark Potter,” Draco sneered at the raven-haired boy beside him, earning him a glare from Granger.

 

**Killed Voldemort when he was just a baby, he’s even got that little lightning scar on his head to prove it! And another very special welcome to our newest addition to Gryffindor Mr. Ginny, excuse me, Mrs. Ginny Weasley.**

Ginny looked affronted by this, looking at the real Headmaster. “A little rude don’t you think sir?” Ginny asked the old wizard.

“I’ll quote Mr. Weasley here in saying ‘it’s not actually me’,” Dumbledore replied with a smile.

**GW: Yeah, I’m a girl. Also, um, aren’t I supposed to be sorted by the, uh, Sorting Hat?**

**AD: Well um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing, so he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren’t going to be back ‘til next year.**

“Is that a thing? Please tell me that that’s a real thing!” Lavender said, looking eagerly at the Headmaster.

 

“No Lavender, I’m afraid that such an artefact does not truly exist,” was the reply she received.

**Basically I’ve just been putting anyone who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don’t really care.**

**CD: Hufflepuff’s are particularly good finders.**

This brought confused looks from the rooms’ occupants. None of them really got the joke, though the audience laughed.

**AD: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?**

This, however, brought a laugh from the room, though Snape stayed resolutely silent. Malfoy was reacting more to the play, Hermione noted to herself.

**Anyway, it’s time for me to introduce my very good friend, and our own Potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape.**

Everyone leaned forwards in anticipation. Nobody could wait to see what they did with this character.

**RW: Aw man! Not Snape, I hoped they fired that guy.**

“Ten points from Gryffindor,” Snape drawled without a hint of humour in his voice, though Dumbledore quickly restored them due to no actual Gryffindors doing anything wrong.

**GW: Ron, what’s wrong with Professor Snape?**

**RW: Uh nothing, he’s just uh, EVIL.**

Ron looked unwaveringly at the screen as Snape shot daggers at him.

**HP: Come on Ron, he’s really not that bad, I don’t know what you’re talking about.**

**SS: Harry Potter!**

The room was silent for about half a second before everyone collapsed into fits of laughter, Malfoy included. Tears were streaming from their eyes at the sight of the doppelganger of their Potions professor, not to mention his voice. It took several minutes before they calmed down, and they only did so that they could listen more to the hilarity of Snape’s character.

**Detention!**

“What?” Harry said, disgruntled.

**HP: What!?**

“Heard you the first time Pothead,” Malfoy muttered to himself.

**SS: For talking out of turn. Now before we begin, I’m going to give you your very very first…pop quiz!**

“Of course Granger would get excited about a test,” Draco said, earning him a punch to the arm from the bushy-haired witch. Draco, however, just laughed. “Not as painful as third year Granger, you’re losing it,” he jeered, narrowly dodging another punch.

 

Hermione drew her wand on the aggravating boy, but it flew from her hand almost a second later. Looking around to see who had disarmed her, she saw that nobody had drawn their wands.

 

Bibz spoke up. “Yeah, there’ll be none of that in here thank you very much. I can use magic from where I am through to the room, so keep that in mind.”

**Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? Yes, Ms. Granger?**

“Now that wouldn’t happen, he doesn’t call on her,” Ron muttered to Harry.

**HG: A Portkey is an enchanted object that, when touched, will transport the one or ones who touched it to anywhere on the globe decided upon by the enchanter.**

Hermione looked around fiercely. “The first one to call me a walking textbook gets hexed out of existence!” Hermione warned them, and everyone wisely kept their mouths shut.

**SS: Very good!**

“Okay that definitely wouldn’t happen!” Ron exclaimed, forgetting to keep his voice down, earning him another yet most likely not the last glare from Snape.

**Now can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is? Yes, Ms. Granger?**

**HG: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot-point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way.**

**SS: Perfect!**

Ron rolled his eyes but wisely said nothing.

**RW: Wait, what was the Portkey again? I missed that one**

**HG: A Portkey is something that when touched will transport you anywhere.**

**RW: _(Talking over her)_ Not you, oh my God…**

Hermione looked mad at her friend, who gave her a small apologetic smile. She didn’t care though, she knew he didn’t feel that way really.

**SS: And remember, a Portkey can be any seemingly harmless object like a football, or a Dolphin.**

“A dolphin?” Lavender asked, but nobody had an explanation for why they chose dolphin as an example.

**CC: Professor. Can, like, a person be a Portkey?**

**SS: No that’s absurd. Because then if a person were to touch themselves…**

Everyone found it immensely funny when Snape looked pointedly at Ron, aside from Ron himself who simply looked baffled, both on screen and in real life.

**they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux.**

Dumbledore sucked in a sharp breath, as did Snape. They wouldn’t say, would they?

**HP: What’s, uh, what’s a Horcrux?**

**SS: I’m not even going to tell you Harry, you’ll find out soon enough.**

“Professor, what is a Horcrux?” Harry asked the Headmaster, but he wouldn’t answer, and Hermione had no clue. “Bibz, you know don’t you?”

 

There was a slight pause. “Yes, of course I do, but there’s no way I’m saying, it’s too dangerous for all involved for me to just blurt it out. Just watch the musical,” and she would say no more.

**HG: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?**

**SS: Oh no, no point in particular. Just important information that everyone should know.**

Everyone unanimously felt that this was foreshadowing in itself, aside from Ron who was busy summoning more snacks for himself.

**Especially you. Now, moving right along, there are four houses in all. Gryffindor,**

**Gryffindors: Whooo!**

The Gryffindors in the room gave a cheer.

**SS: Ravenclaw**

**Ravenclaws: Ow!**

**SS: Hufflepuff.**

**CD: Find!**

**SS: What? And Slytherin.**

**Slytherins: Yes!**

Malfoy put his head in his hands in despair at the random gesture his double just did, but used the opportunity to quietly cheer for his house.

**SS: Now traditionally, traditionally points are given for good behaviour, and deducted for rule breaking. Example: 10 points from Gryffindor, for Miss Granger’s excessive baby fat.**

Hermione blushed and looked slightly upset, and everyone had the decency to ignore that comment, apart from Malfoy who smirked at her.

**HP+RW: Thanks Hermione!**

The two boys quickly jumped on the defensive, but she shushed them almost immediately.

**SS: Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup, however this year we’re going to do things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new Professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrell.**

Everyone went into rapturous laughter at the sight of Quirrell shuffling in with the clear shape of another person walking behind him, sharing a costume.

“Wait, what year is this set?” Lavender asked, at the same time as Harry said “is this first year?

 

“This is set in second year, but they mix up all the events that happen. Don’t try and compare this to your real lives, seriously,” Bibz informed them.

**HP: Ow ow ow!**

**QQ: The House Cup. A time honoured tradition. For centuries-**

**DM: Go home terrorist!**

Nobody laughed, but the audience were in hysterics. Bibz was quick to fill them in on the conclusions that Muggles often drew from seeing turbans.

**QQ: For centuries, the four houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honour and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from, and what are the roots of the tradition?**

“Cue Granger,” Draco said with a smirk, earning him a glare from the girl.

**HG: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students.**

Another smirk.

**QQ: That was a rhetorical question.**

**AD: Granger quit interrupting, 20 points from Gryffindor.**

**RW: Thanks Hermione!**

Ron began to bluster but was silenced by Hermione holding a hand up, not even looking his way.

**QQ: As I was saying, when the tournament first originated it was one of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the houses would compete in a series of dangerous tasks. Challenges. The champion would not only receive the cup, he would also win eternal glory.**

**HG: Kind of like a House Cup, no, like a Tri-Wizard Tournament?**

Everyone grimaced, they remembered just how well _that_ competition had gone.

**QQ: Yes, sort of like the Tri-Wizard tournament…except no, not like that at all. There are four houses, how can this be the Tri-Wizard tournament with four teams?**

Laughter rung out around the room. “That was the question everyone was asking last year,” Lavender said with a friendly smile sent Harry’s way.

**HG: Well uh, Professor, if I remember correctly the House Cup tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of its students died during the first task.**

**QQ: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.**

**HG: I don’t think you heard me, I just said someone died!**

**AD: Hermione Granger shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting, 20 more points!**

Hermione self-consciously put her hand to her mouth, whilst Dumbledore apologized on behalf of his on-screen counterpart.

**God, for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumb-ass sometimes. Ooh, 10 points to Dumbledore.**

**QQ: Yes well it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And, as Professor for Defence Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-**

**LV: ACHOO!**

The Hogwarts students didn’t know whether to be confused or laugh at the sneeze that came from the turban.

**AD: Did your turban just sneeze?**

**QQ: No!**

**AD: I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction but your mouth didn’t move.**

**QQ: No! That…that was simply a fart. Excuse me.**

The audience, witches and wizards alike all found this hilariously funny.

**LV: ACHOO!**

**HP: Ow ow ow!**

Harry’s hand flew instinctively to his head, remembering the pain in his scar when Quirrell was near him.

**QQ: I must be going.**

**LV: ACHOO!**

**QQ: I simply farted once more, excuse me!**

Everybody was laughing as Quirrell fumbled his way off the stage.

**AD: In accordance with the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from each house will be selected to compete. So, Snape, would you do us the honour please?**

“It’s a cheap Goblet of Fire…minus Beauxbatons and Durmstrang,” said Harry with a chuckle.

 

“No age line either,” Ron added, remembering the twins trying to fool their way into the competition.

**SS: Yes, Headmaster. First, from the Ravenclaw house, a Ms. Cho Chang.**

**CC: Oh ma God I won! I can’t even believe that y’all!**

“I cannot move past the southern accent,” Ginny said in exasperation.

**And next, from Hufflepuff, a Mr. Cedric Diggory.**

**CD: Well, I don’t _find_ this surprising at all.**

“What is it with this bloody find nonsense?” Ron questioned, but nobody had a clue why that was so hilarious to the Muggles.

**CC: Now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.**

**CD: I’m glad as well my darling.**

Everyone looked slightly more melancholy, though this time more in sympathy for Cho, who had taken Cedric’s death hard.

**SS: And next, from the Slytherin house, Draco Malfoy.**

The whole room leaned forward slightly, except for Draco who hid his face behind his hands. However, he still couldn’t resist peeking to see what that fool of a girl would do to ruin him now.

**Dm: Ha! Ho! I finally beat you didn’t I Potter? I’m the champion this time!**

Malfoy could scarcely breathe after seeing his character lay across Harry’s lap. However, what nobody expected was the laughter that accompanied the breathlessness. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, and the rest of the room soon caught on to the infectious laughter. Even Snape wasn’t immune to his mirth.

 

Hermione glanced over at Malfoy, amazed to see a real smile for once, as opposed to the trademark smirk. He was really quite handso-. That train of thought cut off quickly, and she returned her gaze to the wall, as the rest of the wix settled down once more.

**AD: Malfoy, sit down you little shit, champion’s just a title.**

**SS: And finally from the Gryffindor house… Oh my, isn’t this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts who I have a well known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life.**

“Insert ‘Harry Potter, canon fodder’” Harry muttered with a grim smile.

**NL: If- if it’s me then I apologise in advance to my fellow Gryffindors for- for losing.**

**SS: Sit down you inarticulate bumble! It’s Harry Potter.**

**RW: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!**

Draco looked at Ron with a harsh laugh, leagues away from the honest laughter from only moments ago. “A little less enthusiasm next time perhaps Weasel? People might talk.”

**AD: Well here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions. Now I want all of you to start preparing immediately, because the first task is in two months, and it could be anything, so let’s get to it!**

**LB+PP: Cho Chang! Cho Chang!**

**DM: Malfoy! Mal- Hey!**

The screen faded to black, and Bibz asked if she should move onto the next scene, which was met with agreements until Hermione spoke up.

 

“Hang on, I want a little while to think something over. Give me 15 minutes,” she requested, leaving the room before receiving a response. She wanted to mull over what those thoughts about Draco were, without missing any of the play.

 

Everyone else looked around in confusion for a moment, before all going off to grab anything they wanted before the play started again.

 

Draco stayed where he was, thoughts speeding through his mind. Was it just his imagination, or had Granger been glancing at him a lot the past few minutes? More so, why did that thought cause his stomach to feel so full of butterflies?


	5. Act 1 Scene 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The witches and wizards get stuck into the newest scene, and one of our characters get more questions than answers when someone tries to help her out of her confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY!!!
> 
> I have been so sucky with updating, I am well aware of that fact. What can I say, writer's block is a bitch. I hope this chapter proves to have been worth the wait, be sure to let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Love you all,
> 
> Bibz xx
> 
> PS- JK Rowling and Starkid are the creators of these characters and events, I am simply stealing their genius for my own benefit.

Chapter 5: Act 1 scene 4

 

Hermione had retreated to her room, needing to get out of the way and just be alone with her thoughts. All she could hope was that they all realised this and didn’t come and try to talk to her.

 

What was this doing to her, why were her thoughts betraying her like this?

 

Suddenly, without warning, a girl was sitting opposite her, but not somebody she knew. This girl was very tall, with blonde hair that changed to pink and blue half way down her back. She was wearing muggle clothing, but twirling a wand aimlessly in her hand, and looking intensely at Hermione.

 

“Don’t freak out!” the girl said almost as soon as she appeared, and Hermione recognised that voice in an instant.

 

“Bibz?” she asked hesitantly, as if still afraid of this girl.

 

“Yup,” she replied, sounding carefree, but her face gave away how worried she was, though Hermione had no clue why. “Listen, I know what you’re thinking is scary, and you will try to deny it, but it isn’t going to simply disappear. You are finally seeing him the way that a lot of muggles across the world see him, but unlike them you have a shot. Just try talking to him, I think he may just surprise you,” and with that, she was gone. Hermione blinked in surprise, wondering what exactly had just happened. Bibz hadn’t said a name, but Hermione knew exactly who she was talking about.

 

Draco.

 

She got up and opened the door, only to come face to face with Draco himself. She quickly skirted her way past him, but not without noticing the blush on his pale cheeks, much like the one she could feel spreading like a wildfire across her face. She didn’t let herself wonder what it might mean, merely took her seat and conjured up some warm butterbeer to sip while she waited for the scene to start again. She didn’t mention to anybody that she’d seen Bibz, they’d ask her what they talked about, and she couldn’t tell them when she wasn’t really sure herself.

 

Bibz had clearly gone back to wherever she ‘supervised’ them from, because her voice once more rung out through the room.

 

“Next scene?” she asked, receiving a unanimous nod from the room. “Alrighty then, on with the show.”

 

**RW: Harry, you’ve got this tournament in the bag!**

**HP: I dunno man, Cedric Diggory, he’s pretty awesome. NOT! He sucks! We’re totally gonna win, it’s in the bag!**

Harry dropped his head into his hands in despair.

 

“Why have they made you act like such a pillock?” Ron questioned, voicing Harry’s thoughts.

 

“Not a clue mate,” he replied in despair.

**HG: I don’t know Harry…**

**RW: Oh my God Hermione, shut up! Why do you have to rain on everybody’s parade?**

“Scratch that, why are we both prats in this?” There was no answer.

**HG: Because, Ron, this is dangerous!**

**HP: Dangerous? Oh, come on Hermione, how dangerous could it be? Especially for me?**

“It seems they’ve captured your self-confidence rather well Mr. Potter,” Snape drawled with a sneer.

**HG: Wha- you’re not invincible Harry, someone died in this tournament.**

**HP: Uh, I’m the Boy That Lived not died! What’s the worst that can happen?**

Harry laughed to himself; he needed to remember to use that one.

**HG: And I don’t know about that Quirrell character either. You know first he resurrects some horrible ancient tournament, then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt, and you gotta admit there is something really funky about the back of his head!**

This raised a laugh from muggles and wix alike.

**HP: Come on think about it: Professor Quirrell is a professor, and who hires the professors?**

**RW+HP: DUMBLEDORE!**

**HP: Who is the smartest, most awesomest, practical wizard, most beautiful in the whole world. Why would he possibly hire somebody that’s trying to hurt me?**

“You two need to keep some of your thoughts in your head where they belong”, Ginny said, exasperated, receiving a call of “agreed” from the rest of the room. Harry and Ron turned beet-red and slunk down in their seats.

**HG: Well, what about Snape?**

**HP: Yeah what about him?**

**HG: He’s hated you for years! And he hated your parents too Harry, everybody knows that.**

“I didn’t hate your parents Potter,” Snape said in his defence, drawing disbelieving looks from the children.

 

“Really, you expect me to believe that?” Harry asked.

 

“Of course. I could never have hated Lily, and James I merely hated in response to his attitude towards me,” Snape said simply.

 

Dumbledore coughed, tilting his head towards the screen in an indication that perhaps they should finish the scene.

 

**And he just so happens to pick your name out of the house cup out of hundreds if not five possible Gryffindors?**

“And that’s how you break the fourth wall,” Hermione said with a giggle, making Harry laugh too. The rest of the room, however, collectively stared at her, waiting for an explanation.

Only Draco spoke up, asking, “What do you mean, nothing got broken?” causing Hermione and Harry to laugh even more.

 

When they calmed down, they briefly explained the fourth-wall concept before settling back down to continue the scene.

**HP: Yeah what a coincidence, we lucked out!**

**HG: No Harry, I don’t think it IS a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a LOT of enemies, ones you might not even know about.**

**HP: Okay so let me get this straight, so you’re saying this tournament is just one big ploy to try to kill me?**

“I’m not this oblivious in real life am I?” Harry questioned, looking to his brunette friend. Hermione didn’t answer him

**HG: I mean I don’t know! Maybe! Anyway, I just think it’s dangerous and I don’t think you should do it.**

**HP: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I’ll drop out.**

Everyone was surprised, expecting Harry to stay stubborn through this.

**HG: Oh thank you Harry!**

**RW: wait, wait, WHAT? THE HOUSE CUP!? What about all the eternal glory you’ll win?**

**HP: Come on! Hey, eternal glory? I’ve already got that. Besides Neville will be a great champion!**

**RW: No, no no no NO I do not want Schlongbottom to be my champion!**

“I don’t get it, why have they made me such a douche?!” Ron practically yelled, nearly deafening Lavender beside him.

**HG: Look all you have to do- oh look there’s Dumbledore! Why don’t you just talk to him and tell him that you’re dropping out.**

 

**HP: Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really cool, we’re super tight, and I don’t want him to think I’m being lazy or disrespectful. So can you just, why don’t you just tell him? Just tell him I want to work on school or something. Alright? Hey you got this one. You’re the best. You got it, alright, you got it, okay don’t worry ‘bout it.**

Hermione sighed internally, thinking how that part really wasn’t exaggerated all that much.

**HG: Dumbledore?**

**AD: Yes Granger?**

**HG: Uh, I need to talk to you for a moment, it’s about the House Cup tournament. Um, well first of all I think it’s an awful idea, but um second of all… I don’t think Harry Potter should compete!**

**AD: Granger why you gotta be such a big old stick in the mud huh?**

An apologetic look from the Headmaster was once again sent towards the brunette witch, and again Hermione waved his apology off with barely a second thought. She thought it was a bit stupid that they kept apologising on behalf of some scripted muggles, but she wasn’t going to bother arguing the point.

**Pray tell me why Harry Potter should not compete.**

**HG: Uh, because… he wants to study.**

**AD: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you.**

“Well he’s not wrong,” Draco said with a laugh, barely stopping a punch to the arm from Hermione by catching her hand in his. “Easy there Granger, we have a while left in here and I’d rather not get a bruise thanks very much.”

 

Hermione looked down at her hand in his, her cheeks turning red, and he seemed to realise a second later, because he turned abruptly back to the play without another word. Meanwhile, everyone was watching the interaction with curious gazes, but nobody seemed to know quite what to make of it.

**HG: Uh, OK. Well, he wants to focus on the OWL’s.**

**AD: Why couldn’t Harry have told me this himself huh? He thinks I’m cool, we’re tight.**

**HG: Oh Professor… I’m a really bad liar okay. I think it’s a ruse, a set-up. I even think Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.**

“Just for the record, those are not my thoughts.” the witch defended her muggle-self

**AD: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever me!**

This made everyone laugh, but nobody as much as Draco. This puzzled the entire room, curious as to the genuine sounding laughter emanating from the usually-sullen pureblood, but he said nothing, merely keeping his gaze fixed on the screen.

 

Draco didn’t notice their surprise however, too distracted by the thought of how his godfather would react to Dumbledore calling him sexy.

**Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he’s trying to kill me! Huh?!**

**SS: Why, Professor Dumbledore.**

**AD: Oh! Snape!**

**SS: I just happened to be in the kitchen and made you this delicious sandwich.**

Dumbledore put his head in his hand in despair. “Please tell me I notice the giant ticking bomb?” Dumbledore pleaded, despite knowing the actors couldn’t hear him.

**AD: Why thank you Severus! Do you see Granger? How thoughtful.**

**S: Here you are Professor. Bomb appet- I mean, _bon_ appétit. *makes button booping noises*.**

Now it was Snape’s turn to facepalm

**_(Bomb starts ticking)_ **

**HG: Um, is that sandwich ticking?**

**AD: It looks like it’s licking, finger-licking good!**

The muggle audience found this hilarious, whilst the magical group were merely shocked at how the writers could ever see Dumbledore as a complete idiot. Hell, even Draco didn’t think _that_ badly of the old man.

**HG: Professor, I don’t think you should eat that sandwich!**

**AD: Why Granger? You gotta listen to Snape more often, you might even get a sandwich out of it. Granger what the hell? Granger what are you doing!? YOU DOG-GONE EXPLODED MY SANDWICH!**

**HG: I’m sorry sir!**

“Why the hell am I apologising?” Hermione asked in confusion.

 

“Guys, you do remember that this is a _parody_ right?” Bibz asked, and you could practically hear the smile in her voice. She was clearly finding their reactions hilarious.

**AD: Hey, even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger, he has to compete. Do you see that cup?**

**HG: Yes.**

**AD: It’s enchanted. Whosever’s name comes out of the cup has to compete or the results would be…bad.**

**HG: What do you mean bad?**

**AD: Well, try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.**

**HG: Total protonic reversal!**

“Is that actually a thing?” Ron asked the brunette around a mouthful of the latest snack he had summoned, nobody was really keeping track of what he was eating.

 

“Of course not Ronald, muggle science and wizardry are completely unrelated, and I’m not even sure that proton reversal is a real muggle thing anyway,” Hermione said, talking to him the way one might talk to a five-year-old.

**AD: Yeah, so you see, he has to compete. And, Hermione, if it makes you feel any better the last guy that died in the tournament was a Hufflepuff.**

This immediately brought down the atmosphere in the room, but not as noticeably as before. Dumbledore was right, they couldn’t let these moments ruin the mood in the room, especially not since everyone seemed to be getting along a lot better as the hours passed.

**So, I’ll keep my eyes peeled, and nothing’s gonna get past old Dumbledore!**

**HG: …alright…**

**AD: Now I’ve gotta go make myself another sandwich. Although I don’t know how it’s gonna be as good as the last one, the last one TICKED!**

**HG: Because it was a bomb!**

Hermione looked slightly smug at that. At least her character wasn’t a complete idiot.

**Harry I’m so sorry but I think you’re gonna have to compete in the House Cup tournament. But don’t worry, I will not rest until I find out what the first task is going to be.**

**RW: And I’ll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.**

**HP: Alright awesome!**

“That exchange was far too accurate,” said Ginny with a little giggle. The Golden Trio looked affronted, but glanced around to see Lavender and Draco nodding in agreement. Even the professors weren’t disagreeing.

**DM: Well, isn’t this touching.**

**RW: Oh my God, just butt out Malfoy!**

**DM: Goyle and I have a bet you know. He thinks you won’t last five minutes in this tournament, I disagree! I say you won’t last five minutes…at PIGFARTS!**

**HP: Alright Malfoy, what- what is Pigfarts?**

“Just for the record, I don’t actually know what this Pigfarts thing is. I’m just as curious to know what the hell I’ve been going on about this whole play,” Malfoy clarified for the room.

**DM: Oh, never heard of it? Huh, figures! Famous Potter doesn’t even know about Pigfarts!**

**HP: Malfoy, don’t act like you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s like the ninth time you’ve mentioned Pigfarts, what is Pigfarts?**

**DM: Pigfarts is only the greatest wizardring school in the galaxy. It’s where I’m being transferred next year.**

“A better school than Hogwarts? Hogwash, it’s the best school in the world,” Ron said, affronted by the very idea of it.

“He, she, I –whatever- Muggle-me said in the galaxy Weasel, which you’d know if you stopped  eating for 30 seconds,” Malfoy shot back with a sneer, though it didn’t seem to have its usual icy look, Hermione noticed with a little surprise.

**HG: Malfoy, I’ve never heard of that.**

**DM: That’s because Pigfarts…is on Mars!**

Malfoy dropped his head into his hands. Of course, why _wouldn’t_ the school be on Mars?

**HP: Malfoy, you know, we’re trying to have a conversation here so if you could just leave us alone…**

**DM: Oh, no, I’m not even here.**

**HP: So anyways, I think we can find out about the first task from Dumbledore-**

**DM: Dumbledore1? Pfft- what an old coot! He’s nothing like Rumbleroar!**

 

“Who?” the students said in almost perfect unison.

 

**GG: RUMBLEROAR!**

**HP: …anyway, as I was saying-**

**DM: Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts. He’s a lion. Who can _talk_.**

“Right because that makes sense,” Lavender said sarcastically.

**HP: If you don’t mind we’re trying to have a conversation here. It’s not like- you’re not even eating! Get out of here!**

**DM: Well I can’t help it if we can hear everything you say. We’re the only ones in here.**

**HP: Well, ugh, come on Malfoy, just get out of here. Please?**

**DM: Where are we supposed to go?**

**HP: Uh, I dunno…Pigfarts!**

**DM: Oh haha…now you’re just being cute! I can’t GO to Pigfarts…It’s on MARS! You need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you do. You know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died! Look at this, look at this! It’s… Rocket Ship Potter, Starkid Potter, Moon Shoes Potter! Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts!**

The audience blinked in a mix of confusion and shock.

 

“Well, that just happened,” Draco uttered, more to break the silence than to make an actual contribution.

**HP: That’s it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don’t care if you make fun of me, but if you’re gonna bring my parents into this it’s a whole other story.**

**DM: Woah! Not so fast! Crabbe, Goyle!**

**HP: Oh sure just hide-**

**GG: BACK OFF NERDS!**

**RW: Oh scary, scary!**

Everyone laughed, whilst the ginger boy went almost as red as his hair, hiding his face behind one of the sofa cushions.

 

“Sorry, but it’s just too funny,” Lavender admitted between giggles, before hugging her boyfriend by way of an apology.

**DM: Not so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend!**

Hermione winced at the term, looking accusingly at the blond boy beside her, before collapsing into laughter. Draco had subconsciously raised his hand to his jaw with a phantom memory of Hermione’s punch from third year, which tickled the witch immensely. She was doubled over with mirth, confusing everyone in the room except for Draco, who merely went scarlet and muttered something along the lines of “oh, bugger off witch.”

**HG: Oh that is it Malfoy! Jelly-legs Jinx!**

**DM: Oh come on!**

**GG: Hey no fair, our legs are jelly!**

“Probably the only characters they’ve got accurate in this whole play,” Ginny said, receiving a unanimous nod from the room.

**HG: Take it back Malfoy!**

**DM: Take what back?**

“Please let me punch him in this,” Hermione whispered to herself, but Draco was sat close enough to hear her, and just nudged her indignantly, causing Hermione to just smile at him in amusement.

**HG: Take back what you said about your stupid made up space school!**

“Really, that’s what I get upset about?” Hermione inquired indignantly.

**RW: Yeah and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend, that’s not even a little bit true.**

**HG: And say you’re sorry for calling me a you-know-what.**

“That’s better.”

**DM: I’m sorry!**

**HG: And you promise you’ll never do it again?**

**DM: I promise!**

“Right, because that would _sooo_ happen,” Ron said.

 

“Button it Weasel,” Draco shot back, glaring daggers at the other boy.

**HG: Alright! Now next we tell you to leave us alone you better do it. Come on Harry, Ron, let’s get out of here. Besides, you already ate all my lunch.**

**HP: Thanks Hermione.**

**HG: Yeah. Unjellify!**

**RW: Wow, that was like the most badass thing I’ve ever seen! Too bad no-one was here to see it though, it was like an outburst of pent up aggression like arrrrgggghhhermione!**

This made the Golden Trio dissolve into hysteric laughter. The rest of the group tried to get them to explain, but they were laughing too hard for that, and there was no way Draco was explaining why that was so funny to them. But Dumbledore looked at him with that infuriating all-knowing twinkle in his eye.

**GG: Wow…that sucked royal HIPPOGRIFF.**

Ron decided he was _definitely_ using that one in the future.

**We got beat by a girl, who is a NERD.**

**DM: I didn’t mean what I said you know, Pigfarts IS real! Am I- am I bleeding? Goyle?**

**GG: No!**

**DM: Oh, I thought maybe…maybe it was a little bit…Wow, I’ve never been pushed down like that by a girl! Maybe I shouldn’t call her a mud- whatever!**

**GG: I can’t believe I couldn’t figure out the counter curse was just unjellify!**

**DM: Right, well, I’m not surprised. Come on, let’s go watch Wizards of Waverley Place.**

The scene came to a close, the wall once again going dark.

 

“Hermione, what –“

 

“Wizards of Waverley place is a kids TV show on Disney channel about a family of wizards in New York, and they have a load of cliché problems and end up nearly exposing magic and all of wizard-kind to the muggle world,” Hermione explained, not even noting who began to ask her, just anticipating the question before it was asked.

 

“Next scene?” Bibz asked them.

 

“Everyone good to go?” Dumbledore asked; everyone nodded in agreement, and Bibz started up the next section.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the guys finally meet the Dark Lord, but not quite the same way that they know him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys!
> 
> AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! I am so haply to be writing Quirrellmort, I ship those two beans so hard you have no idea. I hope you enjoy reading this cahlter as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Bibz xx
> 
> PS- If you recognise anything here, I sadly do not own it, its all Rowling and Starkid

After Ron had settled back in his seat (after getting yet another round of snacks ‘to share’) the projection on the wall started up once more. Hermione took a glance around the room to see that everyone had taken full interest in the play, despite having been brought here unwillingly, even Malfoy. Her gaze lingered on him a bit too long, but she quickly looked away when he turned towards her, almost as if he felt her eyes on him. Face flaming, Hermione fixes her eyes on the screen before her, and Malfoy, after a moment, did the same. 

 

**. QQ: Fools! They’re all fools. They think they’re safe. They think they’re back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger that’s lurking right under their noses. Or should I say, on the back of their heads…**

**LV: AARRRGGHHH! *Cough cough* Ugh, I can’t breathe in that damn turban.**

Everyone was laughing, despite the initial fear that Voldemort always instilled, at the way they were presenting him.

**QQ: I’m sorry my Lord, it is a necessary precaution. For if they knew that you live, that when Harry Potter destroyed you your soul lived on.**

**LV: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest, eating bugs and mushrooms and yuck, unicorn blood.**

**QQ: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.**

**LV: Yes, nobody must know any of that.**

“Is that that foreshowing thing?” Ron asked.

 

“Foreshadowing, Ronald, and yes it is,” Hermione answered.

**Now, Quirrell, get me some water! Now Quirrell, pour it in my mouth.**

Draco chuckled. “I would pay good money to see that happen in real life,” he announced.

**QQ: Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my liege.**

**LV: Yes yes yes, I’m done with the water. We must not have any more foul ups liketonight in the Great Hall.**

**QQ: I’m sorry my lord, but you sneezed.**

“It’s a good thing Voldemort needs him, or Quirrell would have been killed for that comment,” Bibz said, and everyone jumped at the sudden additional voice. “What, I’m not allowed to comment?” Bibz asked.

 

“You know, Bibz, it would be nice if any of us knew what you looked like. It’s rather strange talking to a bodiless voice,” Lavender said, and the rest of the room nodded in agreement. Hermione nodded too, because she didn’t want to have to explain that she had already met Bibz.

 

“Alright, fair enough. Gimme a second,” Bibz said, and suddenly a door appeared on the wall where the play was being projected. Through the door walked a teenage girl, dressed in a very muggle style. The door sealed up behind her once she was through it.

 

She had on black shorts and a flannel shirt over a small t-shirt, with a beanie on top of her pink and blue curls, and small hoop earrings adorning her ears. The t-shirt cut off before her stomach, showing a small belly bar with a green diamond dragonfly sparkling from it. Rubber wristbands covered both of her wrists, several of which were rainbow coloured.

 

“So, as you all know, my name’s Bibz, nice to meet you all in person finally,” she smirked, watching the differing looks from all the occupants of the room. Snape looked shocked at how revealing her outfit was, whilst Dumbledore looked unaffected. The boys in the room were trying to pretend they weren’t staring at her, which caused the girls to be a bit put-off.

 

“Okay so, if you want, I can stay in here and watch it with you guys, or I can go back to my room if you’d prefer.”

 

“I think you should stay, it would be nice to get to know you properly Bibz,” Dumbledore said, standing to offer her a seat.

 

“Nah, don’t fuss yourself Albus, I can sort seating, but thank you.” Bibz shut her eyes for a second, and the sofa beside Hermione extended to accommodate her.

 

“Alright, everyone good to continue the scene?” Bibz asked, and was answered by a chorus of ‘yes’.  

**LV: I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine! And wash that turban, it tickles my nose.**

**QQ: Yes, my Dark King.**

**LV: Okay just, relax with the dark king stuff. I watch you wipe your butt daily. You can call me Voldemort now, we’re there. We’ve reached that point.**

Everyone laughed, except for Bibz.

 

“Why aren’t you laughing Bibz?” Hermione asked in curiosity.

 

“Seen it too many times. Some bits still make me chuckle, but it’ll never be as funnay as the first time again.”

**QQ: Yes, yes my – Voldemort.**

Bibz gave a little squeak and said “the feels” quietly, which earned her a few curious looks. “You’ll see,” was all she said by way of explanation.

**LV: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed.Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so close I could have touched him. Revenge is at my fingertips Quirrell, I can taste it. It tastes like…cool mint.**

**QQ: That’s our Listerene Voldemort.**

“What’s that?” Draco asked, turning to Hermione.

 

“It’s a muggle dentist thing, that bottle of blue liquid in the bathroom on the sink,” Hermione replied.

 

“Dentist…that’s like a tooth healer right? The job your parents do,” Draco recalled, which was confirmed by Hermione.

**LV: Yes, excellent. Well, goodnight Quirrell.**

**QQ: Goodnight.**

Everyone looked puzzled as to why the screen hadn’t gone to blackout, and looked to Bibz for an explanation, but she kept her eyes firmly fixed on the screen.

**LV: Okay, okay, I can’t do this. You gotta roll over, I can’t sleep on my tummy.**

**QQ: I’m sorry, I always sleep on my back, I have back troubles.**

**LV: You roll over right now or I’ll…I’ll eat your pillow! You’ll have a dream that you’re eating a giant marshmallow, but really you’ll wake up, and your favourite goose-feather pillow will be missing!** ****

**QQ: Fine, we’ll compromise. We’ll sleep on our side.**

**LV: Okay, I guess I can do this.**

**QQ: Well, goodnight.**

**LV: Goodnight Quirrell.**

The group waited again for the blackout, but again the stage stayed lit up, the audience beginning to laugh.

**Hey, Quirrell?**

**QQ: Yes?**

**LV: How long have those robes been on that chair?**

**QQ: Um, I think they’re from last night, I just put them there for now.**

**LV: Well are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What’s your plan with these?**

“Wow, he _really_ cares about those robes,” Ginny said with a chuckle.

**QQ: I figured I’d just leave them for now and put them away in the morning, okay?**

**LV: No! No, that is not okay. I can’t go to sleep knowing that there are dirty clothes on that chair, the chair’s gonna start to smell like dirty clothes.**

**QQ: Look, I promise I’ll put them away in the morning.**

**LV: You put them away RIGHT NOW! I command you to get up and…fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile!**

“Guys, I know how I can defeat Voldemort! I can just throw some dirty clothes at him, he’ll run for the hills,” Harry announced with a laugh.

 

“I assure you Mr. Potter,” Snape drawled, “If it were that easy, he would have been gone long ago. Quirrell’s robes were never exactly rose-scented.”

**QQ: Look, if we’re going to be in this situation for a while we’re going to have to learn to live with each other. Now, I’ve been single for all of my life and I have some habits, and sometimes I leave laundry around.**

**LV: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place, mudbloods have their place, and SO DO YOUR CLOTHES! Namely, a dresser!**

The room burst into laughter, although Bibz and Hermione flinched at the use of ‘mudblood’.

**QQ: Well, aren’t we an odd couple!**

“Oh you guys are going to love this!” Bibz said, a wide grin stretched across her face.

**_QQ: You won’t sleep on your tummy,_ **

****

**_LV: You won’t sleep on your back,_ **

****

**_BOTH: We’re quite the kooky couple, you’ll agree._ **

****

**_QQ: We share some hands and fingers,_ **

****

**_LV: And yet the feeling lingers._ **

****

**_BOTH: We’re just about as different as anyone can be…_ **

****

“Well this has taken a turn,” Ron said.

****

**_LV: You like plotting a garden, and I like plotting to kill,_ **

****

**_QQ: You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill._ **

**_  
_** “They really have nothing in common do they?” Lavender asked blankly Hermione looked at her with the look you might give a small child.

 

 “Oh don’t worry, that’s only in this. Really, they were very similar.” The glare Lavender shot her was ice cold.

****

**_Sipping tea by the fire is swell,_ **

****

**_LV: Pushing people in is fun as well. I like folding all of my ties,_ **

****

**_QQ: And you have no friends, hey that’s a surprise(!)_ **

****

“I fully believe that that’s why he has no friends,” Draco chuckled.

****

**_BOTH: I guess it’s plain to see, when you look at you and me, we’re different, different as can be._ **

****

**_LV: You’re a sissy, a twat, a girl. I’m the darkest of lords!_ **

****

**_QQ: I’m the brightest professor here, I’ve won several awards!_ **

****

“That is completely false,” Snape said with a sneer, “The man was a bumbling, stuttering fool.”

****

**_LV: My new world is about to unfold,_ **

****

**_QQ: You got beat by a two-year-old._ **

_ _

 

“One-and-a-half,” Bibz and Harry said together. “Wow, you really do know me well,” Harry said in surprise.

****

**_LV: I’ll kill him this time, through and through,_ **

****

**_QQ: Or you might just give him another tattoo._ **

****

“Not a tattoo but whatever,” Harry corrected.

****

**_BOTH: You really must agree, when you look at you and me. We’re different, different as can-_ **

****

**_LV: I’ll rise again, and I’ll rule the world, but you must help me renew. For when our plan succeeds,_ **

****

**_QQ: Prevails!_ **

****

**_LV: Part of that world goes to you._ **

****

“Doubt it,” Ginny said, “Then again, an idiot like Quirrell would believe him wouldn’t they.”

****

“Doubt it,” Ginny said, “Then again, an idiot like Quirrell would believe him wouldn’t they.”

 

**_QQ: When I rule the world I’ll plant flowers,_ **

****

**_LV: When I rule the world, I’ll have snakes!_ **

****

“Makes sense,” Harry said, “He would want a world full of things he can control.”

****

**_LV: Goblins and werewolves, a fleet of dementors       QQ: And Jane Austin novels!_ **

**_And giants, and thestrals, and all my Death Eaters!_ **

****

**_BOTH: When I rule the world!_ **

****

“So, that’s the end of that scene, ready for the next one?” Bibz asked, looking around. The wix all nodded in agreement, and Bibz clicked her fingers at the screen, starting up the next section.


	7. Act 1 Scene 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Ginny get ambarrased when presented with the true extent of Ginny's feelings for the boy-who-lived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys!
> 
> I am so sorry that this chapter took so long to finish, but I find it really difficult to write awkwardness without getting incredibly repetitive.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please leave kudos and comments below with your thoughts, and hit subscribe too be emailed when I update this.
> 
> Love you all,
> 
> Bibz xx

Act 1 Scene 6

 

The lights came up on Harry playing guitar, which the real Harry felt slightly envious of. He had never learnt to play an instrument, and he wished he had been able to.

 

**HG: Harry don’t you think you should try and work out what the first task is going to be? You could actually die if you’re not ready.**

Hermione muttered something that sounded an awful lot like ‘Tri-wizard tournament flashbacks’, but smiled innocently at the reproachful look that Harry shot her.

**HP: What? Come on… I mean, can’t you just do it for me? Can’t you just prepare all my stuff for me? I mean- what are you doing right now?**

**HG: I’m writing your potions essay.**

The glare that Snape sent in Harry’s direction could have frozen fire, but Harry stayed looking resolutely at the screen in front of him, causing everyone else in the room to laugh. However, their fear of Snape shut them up too, so only Bibz was left laughing.

 

“What?” Bibz asked when she saw the teens looking surprised. “He doesn’t scare me, I know him better than most in the wizarding world and trust me, you guys have him all wrong.” The shock on Snape’s face was clear to everyone, but he chose not to speak about what had just been said, resolving to find out what she knew later.

**HP: Oh well do that first, ‘cause that’s due tomorrow so… But after that, after that can you prepare for the first task? Please?**

**HG: Okay.**

**HP: Thank you. You are the best. You got it, thanks Hermione.**

“Do they honestly see me as just some pushover in the muggle world?” Hermione asked exasperatedly. Bibz patted her arm comfortingly.

**Hey Ginny come here, I wanna show you something. Come here.**

**GW: Hey, Harry Potter.**

“I do just call him Harry sometimes. I don’t remember any time where I called him by his full name,” Ginny stated.

 

“Yes but in the movie you were very jumpy around Harry at first. Barely spoke to him for absolutely ages,” Bibz explained.

 

“What do you mean ‘in the movie’? I thought you said there were movies and books about our lives as they really are?” Hermione asked, puzzled.

 

“Well, kind of,” Bibz said slowly,” They are a record of your lives, but the movies where rather adapted to make them sell better.”

 

This kind of confused the room, but they just put it down to being a muggle thing and got back to the musical.

**HP: Listen, I wanna play this song that I’m working on. I met this girl that I really, really like and I wanna let her know that she’s really special. So- well I just wanna know what you think. Just for the purposes of now, ‘cause I’m still working out the lyrics, I’ll put your name where her name should be, but I don’t think it’s really gonna work out, because, well, just let me give it a shot.**

All of the girls in the room cringed, burying their faces in their hands. Most of the boys also realised that something was very wrong with that scenario, but once again Ron remained blissfully ignorant.

**_HP: You’re tall and fun and pretty, you’re really, really skinny. Ginny._ **

****

Both Harry and Ginny blushed violently, and avoided looking at each other.

****

**_I’m the Mickey to your Minnie, you’re the Tigger to my Winnie. Ginny._ **

**_I wanna take you to the city, gonna take you out to dinny. Ginny._ **

**_You’re cuter than a guinea pig._ **

**_Wanna take you up to Winnipeg, that’s in Canada._ **

**_Ginny, Ginny, Gin-_ You know what? This doesn’t work with your name at all. Doesn’t work. **

Everyone laughed at this, except for Harry and Ginny who were still staying resolutely silent in embarrassment    

**I don’t know, how does that make you feel? Emotionally?**

**GW: Wow… wowee, Harry Potter!**

**HP: Don’t you think it could uh, I don’t know, make a girl fall in love with me?**

**GW: I think it already has.**

All eyes were on Harry and Ginny at this moment, Hermione noticing a knowing smile on Bibz’s lips. The pair, impossibly, seemed to get even more red as their muggle counterparts spoke.

**HP: Awesome ‘cause it’s for Cho Chang.**

**GW: Oh yeah, she’s beautiful.**

Harry looked at Ginny apologetically. “Ginny, just so you know, I would never-“ Ginny cut him off.

 

“It’s fine Harry, really. That’s not you, you’ve no need to apologise for him.” Despite that, everyone could see the tears shining in her eyes, threatening to fall.

**HP: What are you, nuts? Beautiful? More like super-foxy-mega-awesome-hot. She’s the hottest girl; I’ve ever met. She’s far more attractive, far more appealing, far more interesting than any girl, that I know in my immediate group of friends.**

**RW: Sup Neville?**

**NL: Ahhh!**

**RW: Move, move, move, move, move, move, move, awesome. Hey Harry what’s up? So I was just offstage hanging out with Hagrid**

Everyone laughed at this fourth-wall break, taking their minds off the recent awkwardness.

**And I was, uh, I saw these delivery wizards bringing giant cages into the dungeon, I dunno what that’s for.**

**HG: Giant cages? I bet whatever’s in those cages has something to do with the first task! Harry we have to find out what it is.**

**HP: Hey, guys, chill. I’m busy.**

**RW: NOOO! NOOO! NOOO!           GW: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!**

The wix were almost crying with laughter at Ginny and Ron’s reactions to Hermione taking Harry’s guitar, feeling ever so slightly bad for stage-Hermione, who seemed to spend a majority of her time being yelled at or insulted.

**HG: Guys, now listen. This could be a matter of life and death!**

**RW: Well it doesn’t matter because it’s after hours, okay? We can’t leave the Gryffindor house. We’ll probably get in trouble if we do, and even if we do, Schlongbottom over there will probably tell on us.**

**HG: Neville won’t tell.**

**NL: Oh yes I certainly will!**

“First-year flashbacks,” Ron whispered to Harry, trying to avoid Snape hearing and asking any unanswerable questions.

 

“That’s the point,” Bibz mock-whispered to the redhead, who now realised he may not have been as quiet as he thought he was, and glanced over to see Snape shooting daggers at him.

**RW: Well what’re we gonna do?**

**HG: It’s simple guys, the cloak.**

**RW: Of course.**

**ALL: The cloak.**

Harry blanched. Snape was going to find out about the cloak now, then he’d really be in for it.

**GW: Wait, what cloak?**

**RW: Shut up!**

**GW: OWWWW!**

Ginny hit her brother on the side of the head, resulting in a reaction not too dissimilar from stage-Ginny’s.

**HP: I got a present- I got a present last year, first year of Hogwarts.**

“So they are second years,” Draco said, happy to know for sure what year it supposedly was.

 

“Yes, technically,” Bibz said, “but like I said, not canonically second year.”

 

**HP: And uh… well, it was left to me by my dad. The dad that’s dead. My father is dead. My dead father. And he used it to solve mysteries and stuff. My Invisibility Cloak!**

“An invisibility cloak!” Snape muttered to himself,” So that’s how they did it!” Harry wasn’t sure, but he guessed that Snape was probably talking about his father and the Marauders.

**GW: Wow! Oh boy, wowee Harry Potter! A real invisibility cloak! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Do you know what I would do if I had an Invisibility Cloak?**

**HP: Oh man I would- I would kick, uh, I would kick wiener dogs.**

**RW: And I would pretend to be a ghost and I would scare mean people.**

**HG: I would use it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror.**

The laughter that had arisen during the other suggestions died down here, as Hermione balked at the screen. “Do muggles think I’m ugly or just really insecure?” She asked in fury.

 

“Neither ‘Mione, they are just exaggerating minor character flaws to make this parody. For Ron, it’s his ignorance; Harry has his assumed celebrity-status that everyone expects him to have, and for you it’s the bookworm side of you. They are playing you as the awkward, shy little nerd who doesn’t think very much of herself.” Bibz explained to the slightly distraught girl.

**HP: That’s a bummer.**

**RW: Jesus what’s wrong with you?**

Cue angry death glares at Ron, and a sharp nudge from his girlfriend, but by now they were all just messing with him.

**GW: Well, actually, I was gonna say that I would use it to fake my own death and watch people cry at the funeral.**

“That is literally what I would do, I would just wanna see who turned up to be perfectly honest,” Bibz said with a laugh.

 

“I think I would probably do the haunting if I’m honest,” Draco said with a laugh. Suddenly, links formed in his head, memories from a couple of years ago.

 

“Potter, was it you who snowballed me and the goons under that bloody cloak?” Draco demanded, his face reddening. The Golden Trio laughed at this memory, as did Bibz, but the rest of the room just felt satisfied at the embarrassed look on Malfoy’s face.

**HP: Okay anyway, let’s get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom, alright? Let’s get out of here.**

**RW: Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, where do you think you’re going?**

**GW: Um… with you guys?**

**RW: No, no, no way. No kid sisters allowed okay. Besides there’s only enough room under this cloak for two people so, uh… come on Hermione.**

**HG: Yes!**

“Wait I get a solo song? Sad mood, but cool all the same,” Ginny said with a smile. However, when the lyrics began, she felt her face begin to heat up.

**_GW: They way his hair falls in his eyes_ **

**_Makes me wonder if he’ll_ **

**_Ever see through my disguise_ **

**_And I’m under his spell_ **

**_Everything is falling, and I don’t know where to land,_ **

**_Everyone knows who he is,_ **

**_But they don’t know who I am._ **

**_Harry_ **

**_Harry_ **

**_Why can’t you see what you’re doing to me?_ **

**_I’ve seen you conquer certain death_ **

**_But even when you’re just standing there_ **

**_You take away my breath_ **

**_An maybe someday you’ll hear my song_ **

**_And understand that all along, there’s something more that I’m trying to say_ **

**_When I say_ **

**_Harry_ **

**_Harry_ **

**_Why can’t you see?_ **

**_What you’re doing to me_ **

**_What you’re doing to me_ **

Nobody spoke whilst Ginny was singing, other than Harry muttering “God she can sing”. The song brought tears falling from the young girls’ eyes, and she ran from the room the second the song was over, returning to hers and Hermione’s room.

 

“Right, does everyone wanna take a bit of a break?” Bibz asked, and received a round of nods. Everyone began retreating to their rooms, and Harry ran to Hermione’s door, pleading with Ginny to let him in, which she finally allowed. Hermione, realising they would need some space, went to see if she could go chat to anyone. She vetoed the idea of going to find Ron and Lavender, she didn’t need to swap one couple for another. She tried looking for Bibz, but the girl was nowhere to be found. Hermione figured that she must have gone back to wherever she started off to go check on things. The professors were already out of the question, which left one option.

 

Malfoy.


	8. Act 1 Scene 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first task for the House Cup challenge is revealed, and Draco's muggle counterpart makes the real deal turn fifty shades of red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys!
> 
> First off let me say I AM SO FRICKIN SORRY!!! I have been absolutely rubbish about uploading and I am so grateful to everyone who has stuck with it thus far. As the summer holidays approach, I should be uploading more regularly.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this update, and as always my work in un-beta'd so please let me know in the comments if I have made any mistakes. All recognisable material belongs to J.K Rowling or StarKid, I just manipulate their storylines for my own amusement.
> 
> Love you all!
> 
> Bibz

Act 1 Scene 7

 

Draco’s head jerked up at the sound of someone knocking on his door, expecting to be left alone until the performance began again. He wondered who it could be as only Snape would talk to him out of the people here, and Draco doubted he would knock so weakly.

 

“Come in,” he called, eyes trained on the door to see who was there. He was shocked to see a familiar head of bushy brunette hair appear in his room. “Granger, what do you want?” he asked.

 

Hermione shrugged, not moving from where she was stood by the door. “I’m bored, Bibz has disappeared, and I can’t even go in my own room at the moment, so I decided to come and talk to you,” she explained.

 

“Out of all the people here you choose me to talk to? Why?” Draco insisted, puzzled as to why Granger would come to him.

 

“Ron and Lavender are a big no; I can guess that they want to be alone. Harry and Ginny are talking things through between them brought up by the last scene, and I didn’t fancy bothering the Professors. That left you,” Hermione explained in her usual textbook tones.

 

“Wow,” Malfoy said. “I’m flattered Granger,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

 

“What, it’s the truth. Did you expect me to say that, out all of the people here, I wanted to hang out with you? The _one_ person here with a blood prejudice?” Hermione quipped, going over to sit on the bed next to him. She noticed that Malfoy did at least have the decency to look guilty at that comment. “So, how are you enjoying the musical?” she asked.

 

“Well, other than the fact that I’m played by a girl, I roll across the floor, and the flippant way they talk about the Dark Lord,” Draco said pointedly, “Those muggles haven’t done too badly.”

 

Hermione looked at the platinum boy beside her with wide eyes. “What?” he snapped.

 

“Draco Malfoy,” she said slowly, “Did I just hear you compliment muggles?” Draco spluttered.

 

“Well- I mean, I don’t-“

 

“Guys!” Bibz yelled, bursting into the room. “Sorry to interrupt, but we’re starting the next scene now.”

 

Draco darted out of the room and into the main space, leaving Bibz leaning against the doorframe, smirking at Hermione, who tried to avoid the other girls’ gaze. “You two certainly seem to be getting along better,” Bibz chuckled.

 

“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about. Didn’t you say it was starting again, come on let’s go,” Hermione rambled, pushing past Bibz and hurrying to her spot on the sofa. Bibz walked after her, a pleased smile on her face.

 

“Okay, everyone all set?” Bibz asked once everyone was seated back in the main room. Everyone noted the shift, as Harry now sat directly beside Ginny, their fingers laced together, but everyone remained quiet about it for fear of embarrassing them. Bibz was met with a unanimous ‘yes’ from the room, so she snapped her fingers once more, and the projection leapt to life on the wall.

 

**QQ: Master, master, the shipments for the first task of the tournament have just arrived!**

**LV: Yes I know Quirrell, I hear everything that you hear.**

**QQ: Isn’t it wonderful now? Well we made sure Harry Potter’s name was drawn from the cup, and soon he will be ours.**

“If this goes anything like the real Triwizard Tournament, I don’t know that I want to watch this,” Harry said, going ashen and looking to Bibz for a response.

 

“Don’t worry Harry, you can leave if you start getting upset by anything,” Bibz replied softly.

**LV: Yes… it’s really happening isn’t it Quirrell? You know, with the plan going so well, I feel like maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell? How’s about we go out? I hear its karaoke night down at the Hog’s Head.**

“I would pay good money to see Quirrell doing drunk karaoke,” Ginny laughed, and the others nodded in agreement.

**QQ: Uh, I don’t know. I have all these papers to grade, and I’ve been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I’m really behind.**

**LV: Ah come on Quirrell! You’ve been working so hard all year! You deserve a night off.**

**QQ: But the papers…**

**LV: Oh just give them all B minuses and be done with it.**

**QQ: Now that’s evil.**

Yes because, of everything Riddle has ever done, _that’s_ the most evil,” Harry said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

**LV: Well, yeah thanks, I am the Dark Lord. Come on, just a few drinks. Hey, we’ll try to pick up some chicks.**

**QQ: I wouldn’t know what to say. I’m not good at that.**

**LV: Come on, it’ll be fun. You just move your lips and I’ll do the talking.**

**QQ: Uh…**

**LV: Quirrell, man, listen! I may just be a parasite on the back of your head devouring your soul every time you take a breath, but I can see that you’re too good a guy not to have a bit of fun once in a while. You deserve this.**

“Wow, convincing argument right there,” Lavender said with a chuckle.

**QQ: Well if you put it that way, then yeah, let’s just go wild tonight.**

**LV: That’s the spirit Squirrel! Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts and grab your tunic. Quirrell we are gonna get you laid. Seriously man, back when I had a body, ooh, I had mad game with the bitches. Just ask Bellatrix Lestrange.**

Everyone shuddered at the mental image they could all have lived without.

**RW: This cloak isn’t as big as it used to be!**

**HG: Shh, someone’s coming!**

**DM: Did you just hear something?**

**GG: No. Only quiet.**

“I’ve got to say, of all the characters, Goyle seems to be the most accurate,” Draco smirked.

**DM: No matter. Tell me, Goyle. Who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?**

**GG: Um, oh Buckbeak for sure.**

“Is Buckbeak a girl?” Ron asked.

 

“No Ron, Hagrid just calls her ‘she’ for a laugh,” Harry said jestingly to his best friend, earning him an attempted punch (which Harry dodged, but the effort was there).

**DM: Crabbe?**

**VC: Oh, Winky the house elf.**

**DM: Good one, obscure!**

“Quick explanation, nobody who watched the movies without reading the books won’t know who Winky is. They left her out because she wasn’t seen as an important enough detail to give any screen time to.” Bibz’s voice clearly showed that she didn’t agree with this judgement.

**You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermione Granger.**

Hermione looked hurt, but didn’t look at Malfoy.

**Do you know what I would give her on a scale of one to ten? You know, if one were the ugliest and ten were the most pretty. I would give her…an eight.**

Shocked, amused silence filled the room.

**An eight-point-five…or a nine. Not, NOT, over a nine-point-eight!**

Everyone was staring at Draco aside from Hermione, who had turned a deep shade of red, not dissimilar from the one climbing up Draco’s pale features. Neither of them took their eyes off the screen, whilst everyone else chuckled at them.

**Because there is always room for improvement. Not everyone’s perfect, like me. That’s why I’m holding out for a ten! Because I’m worth it.**

The laughter in the room just made Draco blush harder, until he was unsure if his skin would ever return to its usual tone.

**Come on! Let’s go.**

**RW: Wow what a bunch of jerks!**

**HG: Alright, forget them. Now, where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?**

**RW: Well I think they were being delivered to the auditorium, so they should be at the end of this hallway and to the left.**

**RW: Look.**

**HG: A goat?**

**HP: Oh my God I have to fight a goat? I don’t know if I can do that morally.**

“I would much rather fight a goat to be perfectly honest with you,” Harry quipped.

**SS: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time Headmaster.**

“Dragon food I assume, if it’s meant to be like the Triwizard Tournament,” Lavender guessed.

**AD: Feeding time? Dragon’s don’t wanna be fed, they wanna hunt.**

“Called it.”

**HP: Did he just say dragons?**

**SS: Did you just say ‘did he just say dragons’?**

**AD: I must have, because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to shut up Potter!**

“Oh please, we have much more stealth when we’re using the cloak,” Ron said, not realising that he had practically just admitted to the trio sneaking around in the cloak.

 

“Or we would, if we ever…you know…snuck out in it…which we don’t,” Ron muttered trying to take his foot out of his mouth, but Snape was glaring daggers at him.

**SS: Headmaster do you really think it’s wise to have children fight dragons?**

**AD: No Snape, I don’t think it’s wise to do anything anymore. Like, here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow.**

**SS: Why that’s absurd.**

**AD: Severus, let’s go to bed. Have you ever seen my room? I’ve got some pretty kickin’ posters on my wall.**

The teenagers all turned to look at their Headmaster incredulously.

 

“Again, I believe it is rather clear that that man is not me,” Dumbledore said calmly.

**SS: Well I am rather tired.**

**HP: Aw man I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus!**

**HG: Well…**

**HP: How can I fight a dragon? I’m just a little kid!**

This brought a laugh from the room.

 

“Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that they’re meant to be about twelve,” Ginny chuckled.

**RW: Alright well maybe it won’t be that bad, Harry. Maybe you’ll just have to fight, like, Mushu from Mulan or…I dunno or maybe like Puff the Magic Dragon or something.**

“Dragons from Muggle movies,” Bibz explained.

**HG: Ron, this is serious okay? Harry could die! Now look, there’s still time alright? We just need to figure out a plan.**

**HP: Okay well, we should probably do that back in the common room. Where’s – wait – where’s the Invisibility Cloak?**

**RW: Well I threw it on that magical walking chair over the- oh crap.**

**HP: Oh that’s…that’s gonna be an issue.**

**RW: Yep.**

“They make it seem like that’s not something the real him would do…I beg to differ,” Ginny smirked, making everyone laugh at the truth of the statement.

 

“Okay, so that was scene 7 in all its wacky glory,” Bibz announced. “Next scene?”

 

At a collection of nods, Bibz started the next scene.


	9. Act 1 Scene 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Quirrelmort realise that they have a lot in common

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmmm...I don't think sorry quite covers it at this point  
> Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story, even though I haven't posted since last summer! This chapter was a nightmare to write and I could not make it interesting, but eventually, I decided to bite the bullet and post this so I could move on. I really hope that you guys enjoy this short little scene, and I promise I will try to post more regularly! 
> 
> Bibz xx

“This is a very short scene, it’s only about 5 minutes long,” Bibz told the group.

The scene opens with Quirrell and Voldemort stumbling onto the stage, bringing a ripple of laughter from the muggle and magical audiences watching.

**QQ: I thought walking home drunk was hard before.**

**LV: We should have realised that with both of us drinking into one stomach we’d get twice as drunk!**

“Wow, can I face a drunk Voldemort please? That would be so easy, I could push him over,” Harry laughed.

**Hey Quirrell? Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell. Do you remember that girl you were talking to?**

Laughing, Ginny said “Can you imagine p-p-professor Q-Quirrell trying to talk to a girl?”

**QQ: Yeah.**

**LV: You remember that girl you were talking to? Well I was talking to her sister on my side.**

**QQ: Oh, so that’s why she freaked out when we stood up!**

**LV: Because they didn’t know that we were the same person! (QQ: One person!)**

**QQ: You know, I haven’t had- I haven’t had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nick’s Death-day party of ’91.**

Harry groaned. “Please,” he muttered at the screen, “I’ve been to one of those parties, they’re… interesting”

“How so?” Lavender asked.

“Rotting food, and a lot of dead people. You wouldn’t exactly be proud of your life if that was the most fun you can remember.”

**LV: I haven’t had this much fun since, ah, yeah well shit I can’t remember ever having this much fun.**

**QQ: You never had fun…ever? Doing- doing anything? Maybe that’s why you’re so evil.**

**LV: Yeah, maybe. Definitely to do with the fact that Muggles and Mudbloods make me sick to my stomach, but uh…yeah, I guess you could be right. I guess, I mean, that’s kind of funny.**

**QQ: What is it, Voldemort?**

**LV: Oh, it’s just that I never, I never ever really ever, ever really ever ever really considered another reason for me being so evil, you know? Cause normally I just, uh, I just kill people that try to get me to open up, you know?**

“How can they be so blasé about killing people,” Draco asked, shaking his head in disbelief. “They have no idea how terrifying that man is.”

“Actually,” Bibz commented, “they know exactly how terrifying he is. The real movies made him horrifying, and a lot of people are very scared of him. This is meant to trivialise it all, that’s the beauty of a spoof adaptation.”

Draco glared at her. “It doesn’t matter how well made your movies are, nothing compares to that man being in your home and quelling your entire family into submission,” he snapped. Without thinking, Hermione rested a hand on his arm to calm him, as she would with Harry or Ron when they were agitated. This lasted a few seconds, until Draco relaxed slightly, leaning into her touch just a fraction, which snapped her out of her actions.

**Oops… But uh, it’s- it’s kind of nice to just, um, kind of nice to just talk.**

**QQ: You know, I have to admit, I was kind of nervous when you first demanded that you attach yourself to my soul.**

**LV: Yeah, I could, I could sense that.**

“Really,” Snape droned, “I would have thought it the best thing that that insufferable little man had ever done.”

**QQ: But like, now I think it’s, it’s kind of cool. It’s like having a really close roommate or, or even-**

**LV: Yeah, like a slave. Like a, like a Death Eater**

Ginny sighed. “Uh-oh, incoming cheesy moment.”

“And a reprise if I’m not mistaken,” Hermione guessed, looking to Bibz who nodded in confirmation with a smile.

**QQ: No man, it’s like… having a friend**

**LV: I’ve never had a friend before.**

**QQ: It looks like you’ve got one now.**

**LV: Who would’ve thought that at the beginning of this year, that we’d feel like that for each other? I guess everything is different between us now, huh?**

**_QQ: I guess it’s plain to see, when you look at you and me_ **

**_We’re different, different as can be_ **

****

**_BOTH: We simply guarantee_ **

**_When you look at you and me_ **

**_We’re different, different as can be_ **

****

“I thought that they were getting along now?” Ron chimed in, voice laced with confusion. His comment was met with groans and several cushions aimed at his head.

 

“Different kind of different Ron. Before they were saying they’re different from each other, now they’re different because they get along, so they’ve changed a lot,” Bibz explained. “Got it?” Ron nodded slowly.

**_QQ: It’s a comedy of sorts_ **

**_When you’re bound to Voldemort_ **

****

**_LV: And I’m happy as a squirrel_ **

**_Long as I’m with Mr Quirrell_ **

****

**_BOTH: We’ll lead ‘em to the slaughter_ **

**_And we’ll murder Harry Potter_ **

**_We’re different, different_ **

**_Different, different as can be_ **

 

“Wanna move straight on?” Bibz asked, and once more the room agreed, and the play progressed.


End file.
